Dear Dr. Newt,

Train A is leaving Dildo, Newfoundland at 6 a.m. headed for Kapuskasing, Ontario at a speed of 80 kilometres per hour and Train B is leaving at 7:20 a.m. from Kapuskasing for Dildo at 110 kilometres per hour. At what point on the trip will they crash into one another?

Signed,

Pythagoras Johnson

Dr Newt helps with your math homework. As if Newts do math.

Dear Dr. Newt,

I hear that you newts sometimes secrete poison from their pores. If I ate you, would I get a hallucinogenic experience? Or would I just keel over and die?

Signed,

Trippy Skippy

What happens if you eat a newt?

“Lick a lizard? What’s that?”