Dear Dr Newt,

I’m approaching middle age, and am starting to worry about my weight.
I have a very sedentary job, I eat on the go, and lately I’ve noticed
that I’m packing it on a bit at the waist. I was wondering if you had
any advice on weight loss and maintaining a healthy diet?

A Little Paunchy

A guy asks for help with his middle age spread.

Torpor: A form of inactivity, torpor is a state when an animal ceases movement for part of the day and drops its body temperature in order to conserve energy. Some animals, including newts, can enter this state for a longer period of times months and this is the more commonly known hibernation. But torpor is more akin to you lying on your couch in front of your television barely staying conscious as you watch back-to-back soap operas.

Dear Dr. Newt,

The world is stupid and I hate it. Girls are stuck up little bitches who only care about their hair and tits and only give those not in their clique a second look to laugh at them and call them losers. And the guys the dumb jockish, dickwads who, to feel big and disguise their latent homosexuality, beat up people smaller than them and defecate on their faces. I hate them all. I’m going to make all them burn. Burn like the useless whores they are. Do you know of any websites that could show me how to build a pipe bomb? Ones with pictograms are good, but video demonstrations are even better.

Signed,

Duffle Coat Mafia

A high school student is having a tiny bit of trouble fitting in.