Flesh walkers: Flesh Walkers is Dr. Newt’s nickname for me, you or anyone that has seen this site, namely humans. I guess it’s because we have flesh - and we walk.
Dear Dr. Newt,
I’m a single mother of four with a mortgage on my house and two jobs and I sometimes have trouble making ends meet. My littlest is in braces and my oldest keeps outgrowing his clothing. Do you have any advice on how I can stretch my dollar?
Signed,
Money troubles
A single mother asks for financial [...]
Pipe bomb: A pipe bomb is an improvised explosive device consisting a sealed pipe (usually a short section of steel pipe) filled with explosive materials. The design allows larger explosions from small combustible substances. It is perfect to blow up a school, small government institution, such as a branch of the post office in the [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
The world is stupid and I hate it. Girls are stuck up little bitches who only care about their hair and tits and only give those not in their clique a second look to laugh at them and call them losers. And the guys the dumb jockish, dickwads who, to feel big and [...]
Global Warming: The warming of the globe. Also known as climate change. See smarter people than me for an explanation.
Big Light in the Sky: There is a tall, free-standing lamp next to Dr. Newt’s tank. It sometimes gets turned off.
Dear Dr. Newt,
I have been hearing a lot lately about global warming. There’s a lot of different opinions about it and it’s all very confusing. I was wondering if you had any idea what causes global warming, and what I can do to stop it.
Signed,
Globally Concerned.
A socially-conscious individual wishes to discover the best ways [...]
Poisonous secretion: The newt, an amphibian of the Salamandridae family secretes a poisonous liquid which can be fatal if consumed. Many mammals spit them out instantaneously due to a burning sensation that is felt on the tongue. The poison, tetrodotoxin, has no known antidote and is found in all newts, young and old - even [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
I hear that you newts sometimes secrete poison from their pores. If I ate you, would I get a hallucinogenic experience? Or would I just keel over and die?
Signed,
Trippy Skippy
What happens if you eat a newt?
“Lick a lizard? What’s that?”
She asks a stupid question. There’s nothing to explain.
Dear Dr. Newt,
If I was a flower and you were a bee, what would you do to me?
Bachelorette Number One
A game show contestant wants to see if she and Dr. Newt are compatible.
Is there more you need to know? Check the Ask Dr. Newt Annotated Episode Glossary.
Giant Hand: (Same as Big Hand in the Sky. See Dear Miss Pageant note.) Sometimes it needs to be bitten hard.
Dear Dr. Newt,
I have been working at the same job for a few years now, and I’m beginning to feel like just a cog in the machine. I want to advance in my career, but I just can’t seem to find a way to get noticed for my achievements. How can I get my boss [...]
Marty: Marty went to college with Dr. Newt. He was a real party animal but he and Dr. Newt have had some kind of a falling out. It might have something to do with Marty never returning Dr. Newt’s Tupac CD or maybe it has do with all the warrants out for Marty’s arrest. I [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
Hey man, It’s Marty from college. I’m in a real bind. A deal went kind of sour and now there’s missing drugs and six mutilated bodies in my trunk. I was wondering if you could do me a solid. Let me lay low for awhile in your tank. Then maybe you could hook [...]
Ask A Ninja: One of the most popular series on the Internet, Ask A Ninja, created by L.A. Improv comedians Kent Nichols and Douglas Sarine, features an overly energetic ninja (Sarine) who answers e-mails from “viewers” in confusing and comical ways. Launched on November of 2005, it was not the first of these type of [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
Isn’t your advice show basically just a ripoff of Ask a Ninja?
A viewer accuses Dr. Newt of being a rip-off artist.
Don’t understand things in this video?
Palmate newt: The palmate newt (Lissotriton helveticus) is found in the U.K., Western and Northern Europe and is often found living in ponds, marshes and lakes. They are olive-green or brown with yellow or pale orange bellies. As Dr. Newt explains in the video, the males have webbed feet on their hind legs that [...]
Dear Dr Newt
I have two webbed toes on each foot my friends want me to slit it apart what should I do?
Sincerely,Web Toed Weirdo
A young man has issues with his mutant toes.
Turtle: A long-living shell-backed reptile, the turtle is a creature of the Order Testudines. The one in Dr. Newt’s tank (known as Rocky, the aquarium bitch) is a plaything which the good doctor molests on a regular basis. But was Rocky stolen from ChrasityFilms?… Um, no comment…
Dear Dr Newt
I have a turtle and one day it just disappeared… what happened?
ChrasityFilms
A viewer asks the Doctor for help finding his pet, turtle.
Loblaws: (for non-Canadian viewers) Loblaws is a semi-expensive grocery store chain.
Dear Dr. Newt,
Are you putting on a little weight? Are there baby Dr Newts on the way, or is it just good living?
Signed, Jimbobpics
A fan rudely insults Dr. Newt’s size.
Patrick McGoohan: British actor Patrick McGoohan was in two significant 1960s series in England. First, he played John Drake in the spy show Danger Man (known as Secret Agent in the States with the hit theme song by Johnny Rivers).
But more importantly, he created and starred in one of the greatest and most confusing television [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
My neighbour has been acting suspicious lately. When she first moved in last month, things were fine. She kept largely to herself but seemed nice. But now she’s up to something. She’s always in my face like she’s trying to extract information from me. Things like how am I doing, and what do [...]
Emo: A form of rock music, Emo originally started in mid-1980s as a subgenre of hardcore punk, but has gone through many revisions over the years. The term stands for emotional music and involves band members with long bangs brushed over one eye and dressed in tight jeans. Oh, and they played music too.
Dear Dr. Newt,
My parents don’t understand me. I am a sensitive, young man at the beginning of what I feel will be a meaningful artistic journey as an emo musician. But my father thinks I should try out for sports or get a part-time job. I tried showing mom my lyrics, but she thinks I [...]
The oils: What the Americans want from the Middle East.
The scorpion (and the frog): A famous fable or parable, The Scorpion and the Frog is meant to illustrate that it is impossible to change one’s nature or basic instincts. In the story, a scorpion needs to cross the river and tries to get a frog [...]
Dear Dr.Newt,
Can I ask if americans DO really kill for no reason?
Signed, Stephen182006Dr Newt explains the American psyche.
Suicide: The process of ending one’s own life. Usually, not desirable.
Happy Harry Hard On: Christian Slater’s on-air personality from Pump Up the Volume. Slater plays Mark Hunter, an outsider kid who has recently moved to a new town and attends a terrible high school. So with a ham radio his parents bought him and stealing [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
Do you think that I should kill myself?
Signed, Unsure about life.Dr. Newt delicately tries to help a youth contemplating suicide.
1967 Buick Skylark: A car.
Skylark: A bird.
Dear Dr Newt,
I have a 1967 Buick Skylark that I have taken on as a restorationproject. The body’s in pretty good shape, the interior’s got some dryrot, but should be easy to reupholster. My problem is that I can’tfind parts for the transmission. My choices seem to be replacing thewhole tranny with something more modern, [...]
Spermatophore: A small packet of sperm cells.
Cloaca: The genital tracts of amphibians, reptiles and birds, the cloaca is used to expel urine and feces. During mating, the male newt can release spermatophore from his cloaca and the female picks it up with hers in a process called amplexus. But some male newts fertilize the eggs [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
I just started dating Bobby Crenshaw, he’s captain of the football team and he’s so dreamy. And I love with all my heart. But things are moving so fast and I’m a good Christian girl that wants to save herself for marriage because I don’t want to go to Hell. The heat would [...]
Danica McKellar: (no relation to Canadian actor Don McKellar) Best known as Winnie Cooper on the coming-of-age series The Wonder Years, Danica McKellar has, in fact, appeared in a number of shows, including The West Wing and more recently How I Met Your Mother.
But in addition to her acting career, she has focused heavily on [...]
Dear Dr. Newt,
Train A is leaving Dildo, Newfoundland at 6 a.m. headed for Kapuskasing, Ontario at a speed of 80 kilometres per hour and Train B is leaving at 7:20 a.m. from Kapuskasing for Dildo at 110 kilometres per hour. At what point on the trip will they crash into one another?
Signed,
Pythagoras Johnson
Dr Newt helps [...]
Blend: To mix into a fine paste. To see demonstrations of blending, check out the Will it Blend? advertisements for Blendtec.
Dear Dr. Newt,
Will you blend?
Signed,
Internet blender salesman
A blender salesman asks the eternal herpetological question of Dr. Newt.
Looking for answers about this episode? It is funnier when you know what’s going on.
Dr Newt looks into what everyone’s talking about. 2 Girls 1 Cup reaction video.
Torpor: A form of inactivity, torpor is a state when an animal ceases movement for part of the day and drops its body temperature in order to conserve energy. Some animals, including newts, can enter this state for a longer period of times months and this is the more commonly known hibernation. But torpor is [...]
Dear Dr Newt,
I’m approaching middle age, and am starting to worry about my weight.
I have a very sedentary job, I eat on the go, and lately I’ve noticed
that I’m packing it on a bit at the waist. I was wondering if you had
any advice on weight loss and maintaining a healthy diet?
A Little Paunchy
A [...]
